I Can Never Forgive You

Titanium memories are infecting my brain. Thirty-one years and holding strong, but I'm still crying the same. See, I was only ten years old, and you didn't like me that much. You figured you could steal my mom away if we were gone out of touch. So what's the rush, 'cause love ain't much, but she can't see where it's going. Like I remember one morning I woke up, and it was freezing and snowing. I looked at my mother's face, and that'll never happen again. This guy must pay for his sins, so how the fuck did he win? I was too young to rebel, thinking, "Call the cops, send his ass to jail!" but you didn't. So, no time for repentance, I'm going to hell, on a crash collision, and only a few can tell. Needless to say, I got out of the home, but not on my own. The state intervened with those lines and lies that separated the team. I was too young for those questions, and they knew that shit. We were taken away, and all I'm thinking is, will this madness ever quit? So I was taciturn and waiting on a turn when I could speak. Telling me all that bullshit, like you'd be back for us next week. Well, 547 days came that week, and we still never got to meet, and you both resigned from your seat. So this is to that boy who I never can forget, "I can never forgive you unless forgiveness equals regret." And I can never forgive you, silently plotting with a plan. Wanting to emasculate this man, but I was still unable to stand. I got to spend 6 months with two brothers of mine, but it was just enough time before demon possession slowly plagued a mind. Slowly going insane that stormy night, the camel broke its back, calling my little brother boomerang 'cause he's the only one that came back. Didn't even care if we were fed to the L.O.C.H-ness monster or made to be charity cases by all them Christian sponsors. Their hearts in the right place, it's just a matter of fact, we wasn't. We wasn't supposed to be there a month, but it turned out to be a dozen. Frozen and pungent is how I remained in them days. That's how I remained, in a daze. Hindsight is 20/20, I should have run away. But running never solved a thing, getting away from all of my pain, crying myself to sleep at night because no one can feel this pain. Placing the blame on my reluctantly dying carcass. Taking care of my little brother, losing my will and left in the darkness. Through all of the hardship, I knew that I would survive, 'cause I've strived to stay alive, and after I passed this bullshit, I still began to die. Quit asking the question, "Why?" when I took my hands away from the sky. Telling the Lord I can't take this bullshit, so I forfeit my life, and fuck going in twice. See, that's all that I was thinking, writing in the corner and barely blinking, trying to get the schematics of the bigger plan, but Kenny's gradually sinking, Mom's is drinking, but it's only a feeling I had telling Kenny everything's gonna be alright so I could be easing his sad, 'cause I believe in the glad. I was sinking in kind of slowly, so I had to get out of this place with their painted smiles in my face 'cause my memories are starting to erase, and erasing my memories ain't an option. Optionless and dropping. Got nowhere to turn, so I feel that I can run to myself in my time of need. Telling Lord, discard that pledge that I gave him on bended knee. That I gave him that night when I woke up despite all the drugs they had me taking, in the bathroom regurgitating, almost dying and barely shaking. They had me popping pills so I could feel this shit was all my fault, and I can't breathe up in this vault, so I choose not to talk. So as I walk the walk of the shalom path to the looking glass, I look and ask of demons unmasked if they hold my fate, say will I still die, but they look and wait.....